can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
