So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
