i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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