3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
