So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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