so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
