I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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