So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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