girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
