People in love make me want to vomit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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