My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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