pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
