The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize