If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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