Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hippo gnu deer
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I supernannyed him into submission
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