Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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