Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
