Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
