I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
