I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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