In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
