I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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