i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
