Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
