You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
