I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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