Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
