Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
