Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
