dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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