just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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