You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
