Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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