Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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