When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
