You're a womanizer and a bitch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize