; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
