i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
