Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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