If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
