she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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