Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dont even know how to be here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
