In the future we'll all be gay
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
