Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
