anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
