This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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