Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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