I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize