Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm eating all of the evidence.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
