Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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