theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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