Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
