2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
