96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize