I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
