i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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