Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
