the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
