Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
