I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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