Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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