your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
