just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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