u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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