Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
