Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
