Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
