i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
