before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
