I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
