Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
