Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
