haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
