The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
