I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
