I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
