I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
