there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
