I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
