I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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