don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
