a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
