aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
