I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
