I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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