I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
