this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
