note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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