I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's blow job season.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize