We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
