Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
