Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
MIDGETS
????
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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