I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He shit in the fireplace
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
