i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
