need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
