Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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