so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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