I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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