It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
