Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
