I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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