I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
